What do a blonde and a good beer have in common? They both go down easy. What does a blonde and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up c*nts. What's the difference between a blond and an ice cream cone? Ice cream cones don't lick back. What do a blonde and your computer have in common? You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you. What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter, and they'll always come back. Why did the blonde call the welfare office? She wanted to know how to cook food stamps! What is the blonde's favorite potato chip? Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay). What is blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, ....? A blonde doing cartwheels. Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant? She blew it both times! What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common? All you have to do is scratch the box to win. Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous? Who cares? What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll? About 2 cans of hair spray. What's the quickest way to get into a blonde's pants? Pick them up off the floor and put them on. What is the definition of "fu** off"? The final round of an all blonde beauty contest. What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties? Clitty litter. What is a bellybutton for? It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down. What is a blonde's only complaint about oral sex? The lousy view. Why is a blonde similar to an ironing board? I could never close the legs of an ironing board either. How does a blonde prepare for safe sex? She puts on rubber based lipstick. Did you hear about the blonde mom who kept an icepack on her chest to keep the milk fresh? Did you hear about the blonde who gave birth to twins? Her husband is out looking for the other man. Blonde: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?" Man: "It's 3:15." Blonde: (puzzled look on her face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that same question all day, and each time I get a different answer." What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date? If you're not in bed by 12, come home. How is a blonde like a Hairdryer? Turn her on and she starts to blow. How is a blonde like a Vaccum Cleaner? Turn her on and she starts to suck. How is a blonde like a Light Switch? Even a six year old can turn her on. A guy and his blonde date go to dinner. The waiter comes up to the man and asks him what type of meat he would like for dinner. He decides on beef roast. Then the waiter asks, "And how about your vegetable?" "I don't know," he replied. "You'll have to ask her." What's the difference between a blonde and the mumps? Not everyone's had the mumps. What's the difference between a blonde and a government bond? The bond matures eventually. What's a blonde doing when she's gasping for air? Collecting her thoughts. Why does Captain Kirk prefer blondes? Space...the final frontier... Why were shopping carts invented? To help blondes learn to walk upright. Why do blondes have trouble getting driver's licenses? Every time the car stops they jump in the back seat. Did you hear about the abortion clinic that offers discounts to blondes? It has a one year waiting list! Did you hear about the new blonde hoodlum? She runs around spray-painting her name on chain link fences. What do you get when you cross and elephant with a blonde? A 3 1/2 ton pickup. Why did the blonde return her TV set? She couldn't get the English Channel. Did you hear about the company that's hiring blondes? It's trying to lower its overhead. Worst Pick-Up lines to use, even on a Blonde: I just threw up! You look just like a hooker I know in Detroit. Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the package it came in? I've had quite a bit to drink, and your beginning to look pretty good. Hello Susie! Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon so she asked me to pick you up. My what a pretty dress! Your face or mine? Nice dress, could I talk you out of it? I want to floss with your pubic hair. Somebody farted! Lets get out of here. Blonde Quips in Revenge for Blonde Jokes: 1) The only problem with women is men. 2) Women prefer the simple things in life...like men. 3) Boys will be boys but one day all girls will be women. 4) Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy...by remaining a bachelor. 5) Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better than they think. 6) I only wanted to have a child, not marry one. 7) The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then marry him. 8) What's the difference between men and pigs?...Pigs don't turn into men when they drink. 9) The average man is proof enough that women can take a joke. 10) Boys will be boys, but men are better at it. 11) What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain?... A widower. 12) They put one man on the moon. Why can't they put them all there? 13) What's an orgasm Mom? I don't know...ask your father. 14) If you catch a man...throw him back. 15) Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up? 16) What is the useless bit of skin on a penis?...A man. Blondes: They taste great and don't leave crumbs in your bed. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? When you slap the mosquito it stops sucking.